When I look in the mirror I try not to see my body. I try to see the reflection of my true, essential self; my indestructible soul. After all, we are not our bodies. Bodies are just an illusion. Spirit, which connects all things, is who we really are.
My trial-by-fire experiences have bolstered these beliefs and provided many opportunities for practice. A deadly childhood disease destroyed my liver by age forty-two, but not before I had a meaningful career in biology, athletic hobbies, and lots of jungle travel.
After my miraculous liver transplant, I spent six months enduring life-threatening complications, and another six months regaining fitness. Finally, I was able to go back to work and start my wonderful new life-my second life. Then, after eight years, I was disabled by lupus and had to retire.
Clearly, I am not my body because, at times, prednisone and the slide toward death before transplant, caused temporary changes in my weight, shape, and hair. During end-stage liver disease and periods of high fever, I could not think straight. So, I am not my intellect.
While on high doses of prednisone, I became weepy and irritable, proving that I am not even my personality. I learned I am not my achievements, because tremendous fatigue now prevents me from working.
I once had to be still for forty-five minutes in the cramped tunnel of an MRI machine, despite fever and tremendous neck pain. Loud, metallic knocking and buzzing sounds whorled around my head. I decided to meditate and just observe the pain and discomfort without judgment. The noise became a prayer going in a peaceful Buddhist temple. Wonder of wonders! It worked. The pain was nearly gone when the procedure was over.
Knowing that I am not a body, gives me great comfort. I am not my illnesses. I am not my pain. I am free and I am safe, because my spirit cannot possibly be sick or even die. Whether my body lives or dies, I will be at peace. My indestructible self is eternally safe in the everlasting arms of God.
Written By:
Marjorie Elaine Willis
First published in Write Around Portland, Fall 2015/Volume 17/ #3
Permission to reprint granted.
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